Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
03 December 2009 @ 09:49 pm
So...this started as a weird thing in comments on [info]deathscytheheck's journal, about how Eli Roth and B. J. Novak had (made-up) sex on the set of Inglourious Basterds, and then that went to Omar and B. J. having sex, which seems more likely, and there are tire irons involved. This post is most of what we wrote or texted, along with [info]grammar_glamour, and it includes copious amounts of pictures and accompanying videos.

It's called Battered B. J..

It is definitely NSFW, as there is naked Eli Roth and filthy, filthy talk, and it starts with our "discussion" of Eli and B. J.'s Nylon photoshoot before moving onto Omar and B. J.

shark

Jizz on all the props. )

Holy shit, that took forever to format, bbs.
 
 
Current Location: My flat
Current Mood: dorky
Current Music: The Lonely Island- Jizz in My Pants
 
 
Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
OMG, you guys, the intense discussions I have with [info]grammar_glamour and [info]deathscytheheck about fandom. There's so much overthinking possibly, and a lot of it is just conjecture based on the existing fanon, but shit, it's always fascinating to try to deconstruct characters and then put them back together.

I think [info]deathscytheheck raised a really good question, which is: do any of the Basterds actually think they're going to make it out alive?

It sounds like we came to the conclusion that Smitty does and Omar does, at least for a while, based on their kneejerk "WTF" reactions to being intimately involved in Operation Kino, though Donny definitely doesn't. He knows he's not going to make it. I want to say I wrote that a while ago, but I can't recall where.

Also, the whole fanon concept of monogamy is really interesting to me, especially the tendency to write Donny/Smitty as something that would be continued after the war. My theory is that both of them would see it as happening, but they would never explicitly talk about it with one another. But Smitty totally rants to Gerold about it occasionally, while Gerold rolls his eyes and tries to process/repress his own feelings.

Cut for dorky rambling. )

Oh, we have thought about this so much, and I am sure there are way more hours to come in which we try to explain why they are the way they are.
 
 
Current Location: My flat
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: The L Word
 
 
Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
24 November 2009 @ 10:31 pm
11 (Untitled) icons
What attracts me to his work is how uncomfortable it makes me feel.



I'm still shaking from the bucket kicks.
 
 
Current Location: My flat
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: "Stingray Sam"
 
 
Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
10 stingray sam icons
is it gonna be a boy? no it's gonna be a stingray!



I'm your peg leg father, you're my darling daughter.
 
 
Current Location: My flat
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: "The American Astronaut"
 
 
Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
21 November 2009 @ 12:49 am
As per usual when I get paid, the first day is full of extravagance. After being unable to sleep well last night- the combination of bad werewolf effects and giant coffees and the heat of romantic passion- I got up for a day of shopping, movies, and work. I started at Cameron's, where I found the most recent issue of Esquire, the July GQ (fuck, gorgeous blue-eyed boys) and J. J. Abrams's Wired. Then, Borders for the Toledo-designed copy of Wuthering Heights and gorgeous Teen Vogue and Nylon photoshoots plus the new GQ (Christoph Waltz in The Raven is to-die-for). Fox Tower for indie film with smuggled-in Flying Elephants Chinese chicken salad and Viso, and then Powell's, for dirty paperbacks. I had to hustle my ass to work after, but it was worth it for the indulgence of new money.

At Fox Tower, I saw the new Coen Brothers film, A Serious Man, and I was blown away by it. First of all, the cinematography and color scheme was phenomenal. Blues and browns have never looked so compelling. Second, it's a quintessential Coen film because it's so full of real life, pushed to extremes and without salvation. I'm sure a lot of people hated the prologue and the ending, but I love that they're consistent with the previous two Coen films in that they completely subvert the audience's expectations. Some annoying old people at the movie today shouted, "What?!" when the end credits started to roll. As pointed out in the New York Times review of the movie, it's not exactly clear what the Coens are trying to say about the nature of God, but I think I'd develop a good idea after a few more viewings. Maybe it's my own experience within my family's community, but I also loved the complete submergence in American Jewish culture. I'm not Jewish myself, but I can relate to being a part of some smaller facet of American society with its own customs and subset of the English language. I don't think you need to be Jewish to understand the Coen Brothers' films; I think you just need to be aware of the sensation of impending doom that's always pervaded Western society.

There's so much to recommend about A Serious Man- the son's honest experiences with marijuana, Richard Kind's Henry Darger-esque descent into mad uncertainty, the yes-and-no investments of the rabbis (including Simon Helberg as the junior rabbi who has an incredible passion for parking lots), the fact that Michael Stuhlbarg gives easily the best performance of the year so far- but the thing that I love the most is the fact that the whole time I watched it, I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at just about everything. It's an obvious American retelling of Job, imposing distinctly suburban middle class tribulations onto the biblical story, but the most moving image I found in the film was of Larry Gopnik, having woken up from a nightmare, wandering into the kitchen to prepare his morning coffee, and watching him perform an action he's undoubtedly done millions of times before, but with a new heaviness that's a distinct realization of the way the world is crashing down around him. It's definitely one of the most affecting shots I've ever seen- the deep blue of early morning coming in through the curtains that briefly illuminates the kitchen- and it moved me to tears.

I really hope it gets some love come awards time. It's probably the second best film I've seen this year, and I hope to see it again before it's out of theaters. Seriously, go see it. If you need a comparison to describe it, think of Revolutionary Road, Election, and The Big Bang Theory rolled up together.
 
 
Current Location: My flat
Current Mood: touched
Current Music: The Vampire Diaries
 
 
Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
It's really late and I've got work in the morning, but.

BRB, LAUGHING AT MARY SUES.



This is the best since there was that Repo! self-insert about Graverobber's girlfriend who was named Midnight or something.
 
 
Current Location: My bedroom
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: none
 
 
Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
18 November 2009 @ 02:32 am
How awesome was seeing IB with [info]aquidis and [info]grammar_glamour tonight?

So awesome.

Also, I'm totally convinced the bartender at Kennedy School loves me. Last week, he gave me free food, and today he purposefully did not charge me for admission. When I sneaked out during the La Lousiane scene to drop off dirty plates and use the restroom, he told me they'll be showing the movie next week too. I wonder if I can corral Derek from my film class into going on Tuesday.

After Julia and I watched I Love You, Beth Cooper together this weekend, I've been on Paul Rust alert. During the first wide shot of the Basterds, I picked him out pretty easily and was like, "Shit, you go, Kagan." I do love that shot though, where the camera pans from Omar to Smitty as they go about scalping and stripping the bodies of shoes. So much of the film is breathtaking to me, and the cuts especially are so important, like the edit from the explosion to the long shot of the woods, so deathly silent. I'm not sure the audience would have gone so quiet if Tarantino didn't choose to cut from the extreme violence to this natural beauty of the trees while it rains, the sky pouring like tears or blood. And every time I see the images of Shosanna and Bridget when confronted by Landa, their faces titled upward, I think of La Passion de Jeanne d'Arc and I seriously get, like, chills.

I was totally meaning to work on my art paper about Jamini Roy, but then this post-film stuff came up, begging for editing:

He flies into New York, surmounting the Atlantic while he sleeps. He’s never conquered so easily. There’s some money in his pocket, bills Aldo stuffed into his hand like an apology, so he splurges on a cab that takes him right to his parents’ door. The building is bigger than he remembers. Tucked onto the city street, it looks like a haunted house now, all chewed up and spit out.
 
 
Current Location: My flat
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: "I Love You, Beth Cooper"
 
 
Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
17 November 2009 @ 12:08 am
I know there are people on my f-list who enjoy horror movies, people who love deep movies, and people who love both, so I feel like I have to ask:

Should I watch Lars von Trier's Antichrist?

These are the things that concern me:

+ I'm writing a two-page essay comparing the cinematography of a film to a famous painting, and I'd really love to contrast Antichrist's shots with Edvard Munch's Ashes.

+ The cinematography is incredibly drool-worthy, but there is the imagery of spontaneously-aborted fetuses, sexual assault, and the infamous clitorectomy.

+ When I watch the trailer, I start hyperventilating and occasionally crying because it unnerves me so much.

+ Michael Phillips says the film pushes it way past the "torture porn" genre and into the most explicit and pornographic violence he's seen on film. Granted, I doubt he's seen Cannibal Holocaust, but still. He watches movies for a living. He's seen a lot.

I feel like I've read enough about the film- and Lars von Trier's ideas about women and sex- that I could write a short paper about how it relates to the painting, but I feel a little shitty doing that. I actually care about this class, and I think a part of me will always be curious if I don't watch Antichrist, though I'm totally scared shitless of seeing the violence. I've thought about just watching the first half, which Phillips said is the best filmmaking of von Trier's career, but I don't even know. Usually, somebody on IMDb will do an extensive run-down of all the violence, so I know when to look away at least, but the film's only been out a short while in indie cinemas, so I don't have that to hide behind.

So, horror and film fans, what should I do?
Tags: ,
 
 
Current Location: My flat
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: none
 
 
Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
I should really be working on either my second Wendy and Lucy essay or procrastinating with my ficmix (Post-Basterds, set in Boston fo sho), but this popped into my head during work today, fueled by [info]knightseri being totally annoyed by my fangirling over Ryan Howard's hipster glasses last night, and would not leave me alone. Pretty much structured like my massive Bear Jew/Little Man post.

The OG Prima Donna



Cap by [info]potthead.

You know, every time I think I hit rock bottom at my job, the floor opens up, like at a carnival ride. I'm gonna retrace my steps. College, four-year degree, student loans, business school, alone in a beet field. I... there's a step missing. "Hey, mom." "Hey, Ryan. How's that five-year plan coming?" "Oh, it's great. Today, I knelt down in cow manure and I got abandoned in a beet field." "Oh, that's cool." "Yeah, that's really cool. I'm learning a lot. I'm really glad I took this full-time job."

-- Season three, episode five "Initiation"

My feelings on the most recent episode of The Office have ranged from being really upset about the sitcomization of Dwight, Pam, and Ryan, to having Kelly Kapoor-level freak outs over Ryan's attempts to reinvent himself, like his photography. And while I'm still not sure the writers have really stepped it up as far as fully expressing his character breakdown, I'm incredibly attached to him as a person, and I feel the need to deconstruct why he is the way he is.

Spoilers for season six. )

God, that came out so much more pretentious than I'd hoped and probably less clear. I'm still leaning more toward being annoyed at the writers for not conveying this sort of thing well-enough, which is honestly just a bunch of bullshit conjecture, but whatever. I'm all for finding depth where there is none. Why can't all my term papers be about relating The Office to modern art though? There's only so much I can say about Cades, but I could talk your ear off about B. J. Novak's on-screen personas.

BTW- I'm hard at work on my thesis, which is all about his character in Knocked Up.

Kidding, I think.
 
 
Current Location: My flat
Current Mood: lazy
Current Music: The Office- "Initiation"
 
 
Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
Took a break from writing pre-movie stuff to read short fic, including an awesome Donward Cullen one that featured Smithson Swan prostrate at his feet, and HOLY SHIT.

This is amazing.

It's Aldo/Smitty directly post-movie, and the motivations are admittedly kinda rocky, but it's kind of awesome that a) it's from Landa's POV, and b) it's one of those "Donny/Smitty is canon, bitches" stories. I find it intensely amusing that so much of fandom considers it a given that they were fucking, even when slashing Smitty/Stiglitz.

FIC REC. That's all.
 
 
Current Location: My flat
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: "30 Days of Night"
 
 
Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
Oh hey, guys, [info]aquidis has finally seen Inglourious Basterds, and just like I predicted, some of the first words out of her mouth were, "I don't know how you can ship it."

Why I Ship It: The Bear Jew/The Little Man

header

On an easy, basic level, I think the pairing, which as someone said a while back, has just appeared out of the ether is so popular is for the shallow reason that people find Eli Roth and B. J. Novak attractive. God knows that's the initial thing that interested me (look at my tags, for fuck's sake) but I think it's way too simple to reduce the ship to horny fangirls. And I don't know that it's because we watch it with "slash goggles," which seems to imply the fetishization of gay men in fandom. I think if my reason for really loving the pairing was purely sexual, I wouldn't still be writing it like crazy, scrawling stories and lines in the margins of my notes instead of discussing Kafka.

The reason why I'm obsessed with Donny/Smitty is because the pairing is all about the challenge their personalities pose to one another, and it goes back to why I love both characters on their own. It sounds so simple, like an advertisement for a bad romantic comedy: He's a maniacal murderer with a sweet side, he's a shy, outcast journalist.

Spoilers. )

So maybe that's why I ship it, because under the veneer of stoic and detached violence, they're both real people with real emotions and desires, probably the most realistic of the Basterds. Though I love Gerold, the secretly-angry son from the second-largest deli in Hartford, and I can appreciate Kagan (for his country bumpkin interest) and Omar (mainly for his ability to keep cool under pressure and the fluidity of his interaction with Donny), I don't think any of the other men are fleshed out quite so much. As a writer, Tarantino gives so much of these characters in so few words. To me- and to many other people, judging by the popularity of the pairing- Smitty and Donny are crackling and alive, and their existence as such makes it easy to understand why one might want to see them together within the context of a romantic or sexual relationship.

Fuck, that was way longer than I expected, but I've seen this thing eight times now- and read the screenplay at least three- so I'd like to believe I know what I'm talking about.
 
 
Current Location: My flat
Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: The Big Bang Theory
 
 
Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
29 June 2009 @ 03:06 pm
  • 15:47 took a long walk in the pearl district, watched children playing in the outdoor pool, now time for "little children" & a creamsicle. #
  • 16:22 @rwasundi sounds really great! i haven't been to pride in two years. #
  • 17:59 "little children" always depresses me but, my god, if it is not one of the most gorgeous, insightful & poetic movies of all time. #
  • 20:10 wow. "the nanny diaries" is a truly terrible movie. i love paul giamatti though. #
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Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
27 June 2009 @ 03:05 pm
  • 18:06 way to go, fox! first gay married regulars on a television series! it probably will not get a full order though. #
  • 10:46 one of the best short stories i've read: bit.ly/3EG4m #
  • 11:25 god help me. i am downloading "princess protection program." #
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Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
25 June 2009 @ 03:14 pm

  • 18:05 michael bay: because you can offend all people all the time. "transformers 3" features an autobot named ching with a buck-toothed bumper. #

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Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
23 June 2009 @ 03:06 pm
  • 20:02 chase is annoying the heck out of me. it takes three days to process an 86-dollar deposit? i need the money for food and books! #
  • 20:25 the dexter kink meme is in its infancy, and already someone has invoked, "surprise, motherfucker!" #
  • 13:07 @celeriac did you decide where to go for grad school? #
  • 13:09 i fucking love you roger ebert: bit.ly/zmeHu
    /20090623/REVIEWS/906239997 #
  • 13:27 exciting! let me know if you ever need a place to crash. #
  • 14:11 zomg, bill the vampire shopping at forever 21! #
  • 15:00 @robot_gypsy yes! i was like, "that's where i buy my cheap clothes!" #
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Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
21 June 2009 @ 03:05 pm

  • 23:25 just ordered the x-rated musical version of "alice in wonderland." yay! #

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Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
20 June 2009 @ 03:06 pm

  • 23:56 lost my nametag. last weekend, i was melissa. this weekend, i'm dean. go team venture! #

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Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
19 June 2009 @ 03:06 pm

  • 12:44 signed up for "stingray sam" updates, received an e-mail: "thank you for your interest in cory mcabee." oh, you're very welcome. #

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Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
18 June 2009 @ 03:06 pm
  • 23:01 #helpiranelection - show support for democracy in Iran add green overlay to your Twitter avatar with 1-click - helpiranelection.com/ #
  • 01:01 @finesharp ugh, what is up with her breasts? they're shaped just like barbie's & probably just as hard. #
  • 01:10 asked if she's interested in girls megan fox says, "sure." subtext: if it will further my career. www.youtube.com/watch?v=UORABaX87Dg #
  • 03:19 done with the first draft of "you could tell the planets or your pillowcase." 5746 words of damning porn & angst. #
  • 12:49 sonic recollection in portland has an oop billy nayer show album, still sealed! gonna go get it, editing can wait. #
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Christy [bitchin' in the kitchen]
17 June 2009 @ 03:06 pm

  • 02:48 can't sleep. writing submission for psu's queer paper. will get permission from stimson, as it concerns "sogority," aka slutty cannibal film #

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